Coconut Cruncher

Me: So we're going to Emeralds right? Ap: I-FELT-LIKE AN ASS-HOLE, I-FELT-LIKE AN ASS-HOLE!!! Ap: I-FELT-LIKE AN ASS-HOLE!!!! I-FELT- Ap: ?? Am I loud?

23rd Dec 09 The Mental Convict So there I was, next to Azaad maidan, with Supro. We were experimenting on my cam. It was a sunny evening, and I was telling her of the aperture value, when suddenly, out of nowhere comes this man! He had short cropped hair – looked like he got an electrical shock. (Maybe he did land up in a rehab after all, right Supri?) Anyway. Here I was, taking the pic, and “Are you a professional photographer?” Supri thought he was here to ask the price of the cam, which was his next question. “No, actually, I’m just trying to learn my new cam.” I said, confused. “Oh! It must be expensive. How much is it?” he asked. “I’m a dentist you see! I practiced it in Panjim, but now I’m doing cosmetic surgery, in Nainital. I’m studying in Panchgani also. Dentistry is like an art you see,” he said, flapping his hand over an invisible canvas that might’ve been someone’s teeth. Supri imagined him painting teeth with a flat brush. He continued, “Do you study here? Are you a lawyer...

Punk almost sleeps everyday in the lab, atleast for a few minutes. I slept while working on my sketches. Back pain. Severe neck pain. Alok and I had a cribbing competition. Tapan started looking for laptops. Punk's Yanni music played in the background. I walk out, stretch myself, jump and do cartwheels in a corner. My body's rigid. It's jury time.

So this is my last tension-free Sunday. Next week I will be in complete stress and panic, hurriedly finishing my backlog. As I drop my bag and beloved wacom on my bed, I find space at its edge and sleep in a way that roomies like Radha and Polo will have to tell me not to fall off. Punk comes along my side, looking for my bottle. "You have water?" she asks. My butt and back facing her, I turn my head, wearily. "Fill my bottle. Lock my cupboard. Bathe me, wash my feet. Give me a back and neck massage, and oil my hair. Change my bedsheet. Change my clothes. Switch off my lights, put my phone on charger. Make me a cup of good hot coffee. And yeah - kiss my wacom goodnight and place it carefully in my cupboard." I say. I think at this point of time she would go out of her way to slap me, but her look was blank and lifeless. She turned and left. Thats how tired juries make you.

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers. 'Did you help him?' she asks. 'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!' 'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!' The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?' 'Yes,' comes back the answer. 'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husb...

In my recent design process information collection, I figured out this info. Shocking.. Banana Peel- 3-4 weeks Orange peels- 6 months Apple Core- 2 months Paper Bag- 1 month Cardboard- 2 months Milk Cartons- 5 years Newspaper- 6 weeks Paper Towel- 2-4 weeks Cotton Glove- 3 months Tinned Steel Can- 50 years Aluminum Can- 200-500 years Disposable Diapers- 550 years Plastic Bags- 20-1000 years Glass- 1-2 million years Cigarette Butts- 10-12 years Leather shoes- 25-40 years Rubber-Boot Sole- 50-80 years Plastic containers- 50-80 years Monofilament Fishing Line- 600 years Foamed Plastic Cups- 50 years Wool Sock- 1-5 years Plywood- 1-3 years Plastic Bottles- 450 years

At the end of the tax year, the tax office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?' 'Good question,' noted the rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.' 'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. 'What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?' 'Ah, yes,' replied the rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.' 'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all rab...