Skip to main content

The Divorce Letter

The Divorce Letter !

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone..

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife
________________________________________________

Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I Had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Journalling!

I've heard that journalling is a nice way to keep a record of one's experiences so that we can later recall, learn and introspect, and that's it's also a form of meditation where we can clear our minds before heading to bed. I have a horrible habit of starting things and never finishing them; the list of these things is so long that I don't even know where to begin. Journalling is one of them. It's a habit I want to cultivate for myself and see if it provides enrichment to my life in any way. I also have a horrible memory, so this way I can always refer back to the thoughts and ideas floating in my brain and dump them out here to make it the world's problem :P Since I don't have a lot of followers I welcome you all to unfollow if I get too boring. Making this public is an easy way for me to stick to it and be consistent. So let me start off by talking about how my day/week has been. Since the beginning of the lockdown in India because of Covid19, my ro...

Late Nights and stress-laughter

Yaaaayyyy!!! People I found it!! I'm so glad this wasn't corrupted in my pen drive! Hope you guys enjoy the read, and moreover, the ficticious memories! :) 24/ May/ 09 Chi looked at the computer while transferring her pictures to the pen drive. She had the expression one would have when they saw a picture of their dog after long. However, it was obviously misinterpreted by me. She was actually disgusted with the way Ranka sang. It was a pity that he sat next to her while he listened to his music. She had to listen his besura voice. Often she’d come along complaining. And the hours of stress and prolonged exposure to the computer screen made us go out for walks or to drink some water. One of those days, Chi turned left and slapped Ranka right across the face. He looked right, and asked stupidly – “What?” She raged with the utmost disgust and self-pity. “Your voice sounds like a rat being killed.” “So?” he asked. She didn’t know how else to make him stop. They were the nights I’d...

(J) Deadly Liners

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? Manager: Sorry, but i can't give you a job. I don't need much help. Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You will see, I won't be of much help anyway!! Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager! Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either. Diner: You'll drive me to my grave! Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you? Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me. Wife: I think he did, I still got mine with me! Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden! Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it. Father: Your...