Skip to main content

(J) The Gambler

An income tax officer decides to audit a businessman, Zimmerman, and summons him to the income tax office.

The officer is not surprised when Zimmerman shows up with his attorney, Capwell.

The officer says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you won money gambling. I'm not sure the income tax department finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler and I can prove it!" says Zimmerman. "How about a demonstration?"

The officer thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Zimmerman says, "I'll bet you ten thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The officer thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Zimmerman plucks out his glass eye and bites it. The officer's jaw drops.

Zimmerman says, "Now I'll bet you twenty thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The officer can tell Zimmerman isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Zimmerman flips out his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned officer now realizes he has wagered and lost thirty thousand dollars, with Capwell as a witness. Now he's nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Zimmerman asks. "I'll bet you sixty thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The officer, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way the guy can manage this stunt, so he agrees again.

Zimmerman stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The officer leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Capwell, the attorney, moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the officer asks.

"Not really," says Capwell. "This morning, when Zimmerman told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me a hundred thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Journalling!

I've heard that journalling is a nice way to keep a record of one's experiences so that we can later recall, learn and introspect, and that's it's also a form of meditation where we can clear our minds before heading to bed. I have a horrible habit of starting things and never finishing them; the list of these things is so long that I don't even know where to begin. Journalling is one of them. It's a habit I want to cultivate for myself and see if it provides enrichment to my life in any way. I also have a horrible memory, so this way I can always refer back to the thoughts and ideas floating in my brain and dump them out here to make it the world's problem :P Since I don't have a lot of followers I welcome you all to unfollow if I get too boring. Making this public is an easy way for me to stick to it and be consistent. So let me start off by talking about how my day/week has been. Since the beginning of the lockdown in India because of Covid19, my ro...

(J) Deadly Liners

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? Manager: Sorry, but i can't give you a job. I don't need much help. Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You will see, I won't be of much help anyway!! Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager! Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either. Diner: You'll drive me to my grave! Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you? Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me. Wife: I think he did, I still got mine with me! Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden! Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it. Father: Your...

The Circle Review

27th July 2017 When I saw the trailer for Circle something like a year ago, it seemed pretty interesting, something similar on the lines of Black Mirror. As the film progressed I only noticed how bad the writing, direction and acting was (despite the renowned cast). There was an obvious, in your face message of the dangers of a world surrounded by surveillance and a lack of ‘privacy’ in a futuristic digital world. The main character Mae’s decisions are so contradictory to her established personality, she feels very superficial and unrelatable. Her actions seem to be without motive or any prior driving force.   The very apparent difference between a series like Black Mirror and a film like Circle, is that the former allows room for question of ethics and basic human rights. It provokes deep thought and discussion. I guess they intended to present a larger-than-life social commentary on the ‘dangers of technology’ but instead leave you absolutely disappointed with...