Skip to main content

(J) Machine Talk

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology is, Joe begins wondering if the computer can be fooled. He mixes some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener (Available in Aisle 9).
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (Available in Aisle 7).
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Journalling!

I've heard that journalling is a nice way to keep a record of one's experiences so that we can later recall, learn and introspect, and that's it's also a form of meditation where we can clear our minds before heading to bed. I have a horrible habit of starting things and never finishing them; the list of these things is so long that I don't even know where to begin. Journalling is one of them. It's a habit I want to cultivate for myself and see if it provides enrichment to my life in any way. I also have a horrible memory, so this way I can always refer back to the thoughts and ideas floating in my brain and dump them out here to make it the world's problem :P Since I don't have a lot of followers I welcome you all to unfollow if I get too boring. Making this public is an easy way for me to stick to it and be consistent. So let me start off by talking about how my day/week has been. Since the beginning of the lockdown in India because of Covid19, my ro...
Post a Comment
Read more

(J) Deadly Liners

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? Manager: Sorry, but i can't give you a job. I don't need much help. Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You will see, I won't be of much help anyway!! Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager! Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either. Diner: You'll drive me to my grave! Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you? Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me. Wife: I think he did, I still got mine with me! Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden! Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it. Father: Your...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Circle Review

27th July 2017 When I saw the trailer for Circle something like a year ago, it seemed pretty interesting, something similar on the lines of Black Mirror. As the film progressed I only noticed how bad the writing, direction and acting was (despite the renowned cast). There was an obvious, in your face message of the dangers of a world surrounded by surveillance and a lack of ‘privacy’ in a futuristic digital world. The main character Mae’s decisions are so contradictory to her established personality, she feels very superficial and unrelatable. Her actions seem to be without motive or any prior driving force.   The very apparent difference between a series like Black Mirror and a film like Circle, is that the former allows room for question of ethics and basic human rights. It provokes deep thought and discussion. I guess they intended to present a larger-than-life social commentary on the ‘dangers of technology’ but instead leave you absolutely disappointed with...
Post a Comment
Read more