Coconut Cruncher

The above is the paper for a UKG exam- Who said kids are innocent?

Love quote versions ORIGINAL QUOTE If you love someone, Set her free... If she comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, she never was.... THE NEW VERSIONS.... . Pessimist: --------- If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, as expected, she never was Optimist: -------- If you love someone, Set her free ... Don't worry, she will come back. Suspicious: ---------- If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, ask her why. Impatient: --------- If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back within some time forget her. Patient: ------- If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ... Playful: ------- If you love someone, Set her free ... * If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat * C++ Programmer: ------------ -- if(you-love( m_she)) m_she.free() if(m_she == NULL) m_she= new CShe; Animal-Rights A

One young man went for an IAS Interview. "When did India get independence?" He was asked. "The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied. "Who was responsible for our independence?" "There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied. "Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?" "Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied. The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, s

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China . On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephonewas used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Japan . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American. He then travelled to Pakistan , Sri Lanka , Russia , Germany an

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" Ms Neelam had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the Johnny a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnny: "9". Principal! : "What is 6 x 6?" Johnny: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks

This is a fact my friend Swarna/El gave me- By the way, do you know the origin of the word " villain " ? In ancient Latin , 'ville' stood for a small habitat -- what we call today a village. the church hated the village people, because most of them didn't follow Christianity , but old pagan religion or sorts of nature-worship, like gypsies. So the church said, "all who lives in the villages [ville] are wicked and enemy of whatever good and faith" and so all "villain" [meaning one who lives in a ville] are bad people. So we still now kill the villains.

"Your have no clue what's happening to the fields!!!" I yelled. "Arrey that's Babush men!! Not congress! Babush left congress! He's in UGDP now!" "Okay lets just drop the topic." I said, frustrated. "Yeah sure" she replied, adjusting her bag strap. Meand my friend Samantha were chatting about Goan Politics. I had just finished my Choir class with her, and during the class, I had a huge debate with my choir teacher about Politics. My choir teacher, miss Jean, is a woman of substance. She looks round 55 - 60 years old, but she acts like she's 25. :P Miss Jean has strong views about many things.. Her views are exactly contradictory to mine. This blog is about Goan politics. Does that make you close this window and read something more pleasant? Hehe! Yeah.. That used to be the way I was. Who wants to read about it? Our country's gone to the dogs, lets face it. NO. It hasn't. We're the future of this country, and we sure o

Once president BUSH went to a school to interact with them. After have one brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question to ask him. One boy raised his hand and stood up; Bush: what's your name? John: john Bush: what is your question? John: sir I have three questions. 1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO? 2) Where is Osama? 3) Why does America support Pakistan so much? Bush: you are an intelligent student john....(just then the bell for recess rang) Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over. After the recess Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question? Peter raises his hand Bush: What's your name? Peter: sir I have 5 questions. 1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO? 2) Where is Osama? 3) Why does America support Pakistan so much? 4) Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes before the scheduled time? 5) Where is JOHN?

Once president BUSH went to a school to interact with them. After have one brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question to ask him. One boy raised his hand and stood up; Bush: what's your name? John: john Bush: what is your question? John: sir I have three questions. 1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO? 2) Where is Osama? 3) Why does America support Pakistan so much? Bush: you are an intelligent student john....(just then the bell for recess rang) Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over. After the recess Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question? Peter raises his hand Bush: What's your name? Peter: sir I have 5 questions. 1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO? 2) Where is Osama? 3) Why does America support Pakistan so much? 4) Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes before the scheduled time? 5) Where is JOHN?

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with yo

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation: Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison. Love, Dad Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!" At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what

Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly. One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears," came the reply. Tony did not appreciate his honesty and threw him out of the office. The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" "Well," she said stammering, "you have no ears." Tony again got upset and chucked her out in a rage. Tony was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person. "How in the world did you know that?", he asked. The young man f

The Divorce Letter ! Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.. P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! Your EX-Wife ________________________________________________ Dear Ex-Wife, Nothing has made my day more than receiving you

Dad, Rahul and Preeti loved watching television. The three of them always fought as to who will watch what. Their mother wouldn't interfere with their fights. Each one would snatch the remote and keep changing channels. Rahul wanted to watch the cricket match, Preeti wanted to watch the cookery show and Dad the Political news. This is what their mother heard one day: In the parliament today...Nehra bowled his first over...and is washed away in boiling water....The finance minister...went straight into the hands of Tendulkar...and is sliced into pieces.... Mr. Krishna visited...Anil Kumble who is now going to...break the egg and...the leader of the opposition party...is hit on the face...which will now turn red in two minutes...during the zero hour...both the umpires...are fried golden brown. We now end the news bulletin...by calling Dravid...to peel the onion.

Little Johnny was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Johnny down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School . After the first day, little Johnny comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Johnny is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Johnny brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With gre

Time for some male bashing..... (For a change) Q: What is the difference between men and puppies? A: Puppies grow up. Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces? A: Because they are... Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles? A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever. Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first? A: Who cares?????.. ...(both are equally dense!!) Q: What did God say after he created man? A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!! (Yea) Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO? A: I don't know, I've never seen either. Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? A: i) no mind ii) no business Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions ..LOL!!! Q: What is the difference between men and pigs? A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink... Q: W

My wife called, 'How long will you be with that newspaper? Will you come here and make your darling daughter eat her food?' I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter Sindu looked frightened. Tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with Curd Rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age.She has just turned eight. She particularly detested Curd Rice. My mother and my wife are orthodox, and believe firmly in the 'cooling effects' of Curd Rice! I cleared my throat, and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu, darling,why don't you take a few mouthful of this Curd Rice?Just for Dad's sake, dear. Sindu softened a bit, and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. 'OK, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated. 'Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?'...........Oh sure, da

Try this one.... How smart is Your Right Foot? This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying at least 50 more times to see if you can out smart your foot, but you can't. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. I told you so...And there's nothing you can do about it. If you say you did it... YOU'RE LYING to YOURSELF .. because it CAN'T BE DONE... the Mind is stronger then the foot..! Make sure you pass this on to your friends...they won't be able to believe it either!! Have a nice day....

To realize The value of a sister Ask someone Who doesn't have one. To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple. To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate. To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam. To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born. To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby. To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize The value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet. To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize The value of one-second: Ask a person Who has survived an accident... To realize The value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. To r

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of her daughters. The body was very tightly squeezed into the coffin, with no space left at the sides when they opened the lid. A letter on top was addressed to her brothers and sisters. Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha, I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Gujarat. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese, ten packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of badam (almonds). Please divide these amongst all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also two pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American t-shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just d

FIGHTING CANCER 1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size. 2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime. 3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumours. 4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors. 5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system. 6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy

A woman decides to take her husband's fishing boat out on the lake, though not to fish. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and settles down in the sun with her book for an afternoon read. Along comes a fishing inspector in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies (thinking to herself, "Isn't that obvious!"). "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading". "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and make a report." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault" says the woman. "But I haven't touched you!" says the man. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." M ORAL: Nev

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice" Son : "I will choose my own bride!" Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter." Son : "Well, in that case...ok" Next - Father approaches Bill Gates. Father : "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok" Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank. Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!" Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law." President : "Ah, in that case...ok" This is how business is done!! Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive

Why did Newton commit suicide? Here is the reason. Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes 1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the Bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth! 2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the g

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't

You may not believe in this but the advice is great! Read all the way down, you might learn something!!! ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR. When you say, "I love you", mean it. FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye. SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. //I do NOT n I won't! HMPH!! That's just CRAZY! EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling. ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE. Talk slowly but think