Coconut Cruncher

PERSPECTIVES OF A PRACTICAL DOCTOR!! By Dr. David Joseph SOME HEALTHY QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FROM A LOGICAL DOCTOR Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: N

Three accountants were standing at the urinals. The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two bankers, he said, "At Price Waterhouse Coopers", we are trained to be extremely thorough." The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, at "E&Y", not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient." The third accountant finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah & Patel, we don't pee on our hands."

Don't you feel like crying every time you add another disc to your pile of scratched discs. Trashing that disc which contained your favorite songs, pics, files, games or videos is not easy. Read-on, if you find yourself wishing for a miracle every time your fav CD is scratched: Home Remedy : here's an easy home remedy, which might give you the desired results. Rub a small amount of toothpaste on the scratch and polish the CD with a soft cloth and any petroleum-based polishing solution (like clear shoe polish). Squirt a drop of Brasso and wipe it with a clean cloth.

Santa Singh, woke up after the annual office Diwali bash party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some breakfast in front of him. 'Jaswinder' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?' 'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.' 'He's an asshole,' Santa Singh said. 'Piss on him.' 'You did,' came the reply. 'And he fired you.' 'Well, screw him!' said Santa Singh. 'I did. You're back at work on Monday.'

Scotsman John was spending his usual night in the pub with his mates. He hoisted his beer up in the air and said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, between the legs o' me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the nigh'!" Mary raised her eyebrows. "Aye, did ye now! And wha' was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, aye, tha' is very nice indee', John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other nigh' at the pub wi' a toast abou' you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bi' surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be." The nuns look excitedly at each other. "Oh my!" the first nun says, "I want to go back as Sophia Loren!" Poof! She disappears. The second nun steps forward. "I want to be Madonna!" she says and - poof! - she's gone too. It's the turn of the third nun. She can hardly contain herself. "I want to be Sarah Pipalini!" she beams. St. Peter looks perplexed. "Er...who?" he asks. "Sarah Pipalini!" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun takes a newspaper out of her habit pocket and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and rolls his eyes. He hands it back to her an

Meal cooked by Angry Wife

The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband.. Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband... 'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!' Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday. And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought...

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T." The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer." This message was sent to you by Akarsha... gone with the wind again ;). To s