Coconut Cruncher

AOL Email Careers in Pakistan If we were in Pakistan, our options for professional courses after High School would be as follows : JEE - Jehadist Entrance Examination IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management CAT - Career in Alqaida & Taliban IAS - Iraq after Saddam M Tech - Masters in Terror Technology GATE - General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism TOEFL - Test of Extremist Foreign Languages GRE - Graduate in Relocation Extremism MBBS - Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies MBA - Master of Bombing Administration

A man arrives at a doctor's surgery complaining of serious back pain. The doctor helps him lie down on the examining table him and asks, "How did this happen?" "Well," the man says, "I work for a local night club. This morning I got back to my apartment earlier than usual, but as soon as I opened the door I heard a noise in my bedroom. I ran in. The balcony door was open. I just knew someone had been with my wife. I rushed out the balcony door but there was no one there. Then I looked down and saw a half-naked man running out dressing himself. I grabbed the mini-fridge in the bedroom and threw it at him. That's how I strained my back." The doctor sympathised, gave him a prescription and sent him off. A second patient arrived, looking as if he'd been in a car wreck. "Goodness!" the doctor said. "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "I've been out of a job

Finally there was a day I ACTUALLY worked. For two whole days I stayed back in college to finish all my backlogs. It felt so good to be done with all your work, yet so tiring, that you dream of a body massage before sleeping. My irritation with Nuts hadn't stopped.She pretended like she didn't get it, but I bet she got it all. Punk and I had a 'confession walk' that night, where we spoke of all the people we hated and all the people we loved. Of all the roomies that we dreamed of having the next year. Tanu joined in later and he was wondering whether he interrupted our conversation. "I'll miss these walks.. And hostel.. And college.. During our Christmas hols." Punk said. She really loves this place.. I thought. But things really were getting different. Better, or worse, I did not understand. And this place was getting close to 'home', just as much as I hated to admit it. I had spent just 2 months in M.I.T Institute of Design. The stupid workers p

We were called to the O.H.P room the next day for a presentation. Punk called me to sit in the front, so I joined her. "Not there ya!" Tanu shouted, already picking a chair behind. "What if I sleep?" he asked. "I'll wake you up." I said, partially confident of my words. The hustle just didn't stop. Students kept coming in every 5 minutes, disturbing professor Arvind. "I think I'll just lock this," he said, walking towards the door, exptending his hand to the doorlock. "So that noone can come in, and noone can go out." he stated. He started his intro on the presentation on visual language. Punk, typically, immediately started jotting down every word he was saying like a Hermione. Surprisingly, I fell asleep instead of Tanu! "Those who are sleeping please wake up!" sir hinted. Someone shook my chair and these was a little hustle. A few hours later the class was half asleep, and sir just went on with his presentation

Punk ran from the bathroom to make it in time for lunch. It was 1:45 and the mess would close in 15 minutes. As she passed by my corridor I stuck my head out the window and screamed, "Madam! I'm waiting for you only! Hurry up!" By that time she was in her room changing. Punk can be so fast.. I strapped on my watch. I hated to lose track of time. Especially since the time lost the cellphone. "Eat fast!" she said, as I disgustingly swallowed the horrible mess' bhindi bhaji. "Train choot rahi hai kya?" I asked. She sighed with the guilt of being such a workaholic. When we reached the hostel she ran in with a brown package in her hand. "Eat this when you're REALLY depressed." she said. It was dark chocolate! Moreover, it was homemade. I was suddenly high and felt encouraged to work just by looking at it. Punk was in a hurry. She was going to college. On a Sunday! She wanted to finish her clay and P.O.P (Plaster of Paris) cube out there.

Punk was worrying about going to Hadapsar when we had some much more work to do.. She had to get her passport snaps clicked and there's no civilization around us. Days passed, but the workload never became less. It only increased, and we just had to keep working day and night. Occasionally I strummed on my guitar n got the song 'Broken' by Seether (Feat Amy Lee) right. I was so glad.. Playing the guitar got rid of some of my huge amount of stress. Each day got depressing, and we just slogged and slogged. The faculty kept on pushing our patience. It was mental torture to even think of the work that we had to submit. Deadlines turned shorter, and life seemed pointless to me. Punk and I individually got thoughts, that maybe we both weren't even made for design. I kept on dreading that my future would go to the dogs and I would be chucked out of college for all my late submissions. Even though we had so much to talk about, Punk and I silently kept our thoughts to ourselves.

Seems like the purest thing around. Punk just offered me her bottle.. "Kal ka hai..Chalega?" she said. "Duh!" I said. I think water lasts for days n days n it'll still taste the same.. it's the one thing that can hardly get stale. Have you ever played a vigorous sport, and felt really really thirsty. I did once, and someone offered me coke, after a game of basketball. But coke and other drinks can never get rid of your thirst, like water can. Water's the best! :)

Guys this is HILARIOUS!! Make sure you read this! - Nikhita ___________________________________________________________ Patrick Hanifin found a unique way to ease his frustrations that was so successful, he actually wrote a piece on it! Read on for a laugh! - Anita ___________________________________________________________ In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone who occasionally has a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a telephone call that I had to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man Answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and may I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying on my

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I laughed my ass off after reading this!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahhaah!!!!!!! this guys my role model!! Got a great sense of humour! Really witty!! n SUPER smart!!! =))!! In the comp lab right now n some people have turned their heads thinking I'm crazy!! LOL!!!!!!!! Just putting up the post now.. The one I've been laughing about!! Hope you guys have fun reading!!!

Little Rupert, who is so small he can fit in an adult's hand, was born after vets failed in their battle to save his mother. This tiny deer was delivered by Caesarean section at a wildlife hospital after his mother was killed by a car. At just six inches tall and weighing just over a pound, he is now in an incubator in the intensive care unit at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire. He has only recently opened his eyes. Les Stocker, founder of Tiggywinkles, said: 'Rupert's mother had very severe injuries. We brought him out and got him breathing and then he went into an incubator on oxygen. He is now being fed by a tube.' Staff are optimistic Rupert, now five days old, will make a full recovery. 'Deer are very, very tricky but this one has spirit. He's an extremely feisty little guy and quite pushy,' Mr. Stocker said.

Have you ever eaten something forcibly and then pushed yourself to such a limit that you can't eat the last bite? That's what this short blog's about. Sometimes you have these amazing meals.. Heavy, but AMAZING! Like LASAGNA !!! Now who doesn't like good ol ' garfy lasagna ? But then sometimes it gets so heavy, that you eat n eat n eat n eat n eat n.. Well.. You get the point.. Today morning at the mess, I had SO much upma . N then I thought I could definitely finish all of it.. So I ate n ate n every spoon became such a task for me. I just gulped.. My speed decreasing every minute. Tanu watched a few times, but didn't notice any change in my appetite. Finally it all came down to that one last bite. *Urgh.* I thought.. I looked at it apathetically.. "I can't eat this" I sighed. Tanu raised and eyebrow n said, "It's only the last bite, no biggie!" But it wasn't the last bite for me. I had been struggling to finish it off since a

Ref: Red: High and Abnormally Retarded Blue: Feeling Low Anything near the line: Bored/Sleepy

"EAT SHIT!!" he screamed. "Eat shit balls!" Darren replied. He was SO pissed off, and so was I. Little did we know that it would create such commotion. It was the 28th Oct, and I hadn't given my old friends a treat coz I was in hostel during my birthday.. So we'd gone to Dominoes for dinner that night.. After an amazing day and a good conversation over a good dinner, the five of us left Dominoes at 11pm. We were standing over the tiles that lay over the drains across the road.. There was a 95 degree turn from Panjim church to Hotel Rajdhani, were a red car was driving at 60. We were busy talking about old days, and stood right at the corner very close to the pavement. The man had at least 4 metre space to turn. Since the jerk was driving at 60, he felt insecure about turning, and honked at us loudly just when he was about 2 metres away from us. "ASSHOLE!" I screamed. I was SO pissed off!! His son, sitting on the front seat, a boy of maybe 14 scream

So it's the 21st and there're a few hours left for midnight.. I pretty much don't care out here coz things have been so rough for me lately n I really don't think it'll be fun.. n all these years spent in goa have totally accostomed me to having fun with friends and family, and more over, enjoying my day.. Come to think of it, it's my eighteenth birthday n it doesn't even feel like it. I feel like just walking in crowded place, unnoticed and totally to myself, praying no one would notice me, wish me. This place is pretty strange, and with strangers too, who'd just wish you for something in return.. Or probably as a formality.. but that's that, and I've somehow made up my mind not to enjoy myself out here.. =P Coz I'm going home.. the day after, and there, I can be myself. Free, happy, and I can totally enjoy myself.. With the people I love, n the people who care. I'll dream of my driving license, my electoral card, and finally become a ma

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa!!!" she screamed. "Dude! Do you know how to kill insects?" asked Namrata. "OMG no!" I said. Namu found a HUGE BIG ferocious monstrous looking guy with two BIG compound e yes and wings. A huge red bee-ant landed on her bed and she fearfully went around asking people for help. The person - the 'Terminator', was none other than Poulomi Mehta. Polo came looking lost into room 308, looking around for the dangerous monster, n there it was, staring at poor Namu with its huge eyes as she squealed in sheer terror. "EEEEEEEeeeeeeee!!!! Kill the damn thing, just kill it!" she screamed to Polo, who went around looking for a pair of slippers. She smashed the pair on the bug, but it flew n landed on Namu's pillow. Namu squealed even louder as Polo frantically tried to crush the flying bee-ant. "Dude squish it dude! Please!!" "Arrey it's flying everywhere!" "Gimme a tissue or paper n put it

Logging on after hotmail after 3 years now, and I'm feeling so nostalgic.. Those talks with special friends n getting attatched to people I didn't know, stuff to share about daily things happening to me. But no more... I miss the DA, the people in it, how I'd sneak online late at night when mum din allow me to surf coz of boards.. n chatting with el, fawkes, bro.. N all the thigns that happened then.. Serious things, that changed my life in so many ways I can't even repeat. I'm so glad to have those memories. And ways to repoduce them right now.. Certain smells, certain words.Miss those times, those people, who're hardly a part of my life anymore.

If you have a function/party at your home and if there is excess food available at the end, don't hesitate to call 1098 (only in India) - child helpline. They will come and collect the food. Please circulate this message which can help feed many children. PLEASE, DON'T BREAK THIS CHAIN, "Helping hands are better than Praying Lips"

After a short visit to the united States, Michelangelo's David returns to Italy.. Proud sponsors:

At a building site, two blue collar workers, Jack and Ray were chatting. Jack: Ray, I've been attending night classes for five months now and I have an exam next week. Ray: Oh…well, how's that going for you? Jack: Great! I'm learning all this cool stuff! For example, do you know who Graham Bell is? Ray: No. Jack: He invented the telephone in 1876. If you took night classes you'd know that. Ray: Oh…that's pretty cool I guess. The next day, Jack hailed Ray at the site again. Jack: Hey Ray, do you know who Alexander Dumas is? Ray: No. Jack: He's the author of 'The Three Musketeers'. You know, if you took night classes like me, you'd know that. Ray frowned in annoyance but said nothing. The next day, Jack came up to Ray again. Jack: Hey Ray! Do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is? Ray: No! Jack: He's the author of 'Confessions'. If you took those night classes, you'd know that. Ray had had enough. He straightened up and turned to Jack.

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy dressed in goggles, a loud t-shirt, mud- spattered jeans and a daring attitude. Saint Peter addresses the cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven? ' The guy replies, 'I'm Desai, retired Indian Airlines Pilot from New Delhi'. Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot enters heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena, California, for the last 43 years.' Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, ' OK, take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.' 'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get

Pfizer Announcement Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names 'cocktails' and 'highballs'. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of 'Mount 'n Do'. There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

1. Get it out of the water as soon as possible. The plastic covers on cell phones are fairly tight, but water can enter the phone in a short period of time, perhaps only 20 seconds or less. So grab your phone quickly! If you can't get to it in time, your best bet is to remove the battery while it is still under water. Water helps dissipate heat from shorts that can damage the phone, so most damage occurs when the inside of the phone is merely wet and there is a power source. 2. Remove the battery. This is one of the most important steps. Don't take time to think about it; electricity and water do not mix. Cutting power to your phone is a crucial first step in saving it. Many circuits inside the phone will survive immersion in water provided they are not attached to a power source when wet. 3. If you have a GSM carrier, remove your SIM card. Some or all of your valuable contacts (along with other data) could be stored on your SIM. To some people this could be more wor

We saw the signboard, and went straight ahead...The turn would go back to Porvorim, my place. We were in Calangute now, and skipped the correct turn accidentally.. And there there was a junction, a fork. The left road went to the highway to Porvorim.. Course, Ap and I couldn't go.. We didn't carry a helmet, and the cops would fine us. Supri could on her bike, she had one.. But she was coming along our way. And Pris and Aakash, riding at 5 km/hr lagged somewhere far behind. ""WHAT??!! You guys are still there ??" screamed Supri. We had gone for a short roadtrip from Betim to Aguada Fort, just coz Ap had returned to visit Goa from Pune. He was homesick, and we all wanted to go somewhere further than silly-ol' Panaji. As we stopped near the signboard, we called them asking where they'd reached. So here we were, making the first mistake. We turned right. It wasn't a wrong decision - just that it would go to Betim and you wouldn't need a helmet that wa

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table – 'Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love you!' Totally bewildered by the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough, there's a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper waiting for him. His son is at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. "Son," he says, "what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3am, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everythin

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young blonde woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballisti

A mother stopped by un-announced at her son's house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch...totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she gasped. "I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," her daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law squawked. "This is my love dress,' her daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" Her daughter-in-law smiled. "Mike loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. "It excites him no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me.' The mother-in-law shut her mouth abruptly and left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, and dimmed the lights. She put on a romantic CD and lay on the

Since when i was young, I've loved to draw and paint pictures. Most people would say I carried the genes, and some just appreciated. I've always loved art since I was a child, and come to think of it, always will. And that's why I want to be a designer. Design is not just a hobby for me. It's my passion, my fuel. It was in std.10 that I'd finally made up my mind. I wanted to make it my career because its something I'll never be bored of. I've had a mind that never sleeps. I'm always thinking about something or the other, and most of the time, I'm unrealistic. That's where design comes in. Design and art is an outlet for my thoughts. It is easy to draw when you know whar to, not how to. I've always observed the smallest of things, and appreciated the beauty of it. There are not only black and whites in design, but also the greys. When I was young I'd often get discouraged by seeing an adult's version of the image I drew. It would be so

In a small town, a person decided to open up a brothel, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the brothel from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business. Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the brothel and it was burnt to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the brothel owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church through its congregation and prayers was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his brothel, either through direct or indirect actions or means. In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons for the act of God. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented: 'I don't know how I'm going to decide this c

Tillie, Maude and Gertrude were three little old ladies who met at a bench in the nearby park with their dogs every evening where they enjoyed a little bit of sun and gossip before heading home again. One day, they were sitting on the bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher ran up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

How to I start? Okay, I'll intro Sir. Dhiraj.. Sir. Dhiraj is my economics professor at college.. He's a really really nice teacher! He's really good with students and he's great at teaching eco - that's IF you listen to what he says.. The only problem is, everyone takes advantage of his sweetness. Sir. Dhiraj will give you attendance when you need it, he will cover for you or stand up for you, even if he gets blamed for everything, and he'll let you talk quietly or even use your cellphone when it's banned in college. Today there was this big fight between Miss. Sumedha Kamat, the Konkani teacher and Sir. Dhiraj.. Actually the matter was - These too guys named Hassler and Abhishek were making so much noise in her class, she told them to shut up if they don't wanna pay attention, or get out of her class and that she'd give them attendence. So they did! And now she denies that she told them that she'd give them attendance! The witnesses? - whole

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense. It is not resentful. ~ Acknowledgments: A Walk to Remember

If you want it done right, do it yourself. Don't sweat the small stuff. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. There are no short cuts to any place worth going. When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there. Men who don't understand women stand into 2 groups, bachelors and husbands. Parents start you off on life, and friends get you through it. Don't play stupid with me, I'm better at it! I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Some people are alive because its illegal to kill. I'm confused. No wait... Maybe I'm not.. Smoking reduces weight.. (One lung at a time). Make Poverty History. xx

What'd you do when you've taken time off with great difficulty, and squeezed in time for some friends, and all you have do for 2 hours, is listen to the music you hate the most and listen to talks of the music? AND then suddenly, people who you hardly know well turn up and you don't have anything to talk about n an uncomfortable feeling grabs you?!! YOU FREAKIN' START TALKIN TO YOURSELF!!!!! Honestly!!! You remove your cellphone and types conversations to yourself. That way you're a little more entertained, and feel like you're having a liiiiiiittle fun. Boredom sucks. But you gotta deal with it.

In Bombay, you need to book an appointment 6 months in advance, so u need to guess when you'll be getting sick.. A sandwich in a mall costs you Rs.60, and a 2 bedroom flat could rip you at 20 crores. The city sleeps after 1 am, and awakes at 5, with fresh vegetables sold on the streets at dirt cheap prices, all from the efforts of the poor farmer, who is burdened with worries of debt. And in the city where the rich live alongside with the poor, their lazy kids gorge on every bit of expensive food that they can afford to buy, much obliged to their well-paid parents. And so in this city dwell all kinds of beings, of all classes and castes, and an unclear segregation between them.

Finally edited my description on facebook and orkut. Here's the intro to me to u deviant users! Hello! There's loads to say about me, but I'll start with this. I've got black hair, like any other indian. Light brown eyes. I have an extremely disgusting artificial voice, and loads of pimples popping up on my face all the time. I'm very straight forward. Stubborn.. I love food, photography, art and music. My backbone is freakishly superficial, you could count my vertebra if I bend. Yes, defective, you could call me. I'm unusually annoying when in an argumentive mood. I'm an introvert and extrovert, an idealist and realist rolled into one. My boss, (if I had one) would call me lazy. I love sports, technology, books, and biology. I'm not creative, I lack ideas, but I'm kinda good at portraying them.. I don't like doing nothing. Shopping is fun, if not done regularly. I'm very dreamy. I'm crazy about animals with fur ...except rats! I hate

President Bush is rehearsing his speech for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games... He begins his remarks with "Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!" Immediately his speech writer rushes over and whispers in the President's ear: "Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings.Your speech is underneath........

Two English businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked 'What are you sellin' here? One of the men replied sarcastically.'We are selling arse-holes.' Without skipping a beat, the Scotsman said, 'You are doing well ... Only two left!' Englishmen - God bless them - should not mess with Scotsmen???

A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section, where she sits down and generally makes herself comfortable. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. The attendant then politely tells the blonde passenger that she has paid for Economy and that she will have to go and sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there's some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an Economy place and she will have to leave and return to her original seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I

Once a lady wearing a saree boarded a bus. The conductor gave her a ticket of Rs 4. Next day she wore a mini skirt, she got a ticket of Rs 2. Next day she didn't need to buy a ticket! why? What were you thinking of, you dirty mind She had a bus pass.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T." The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Some @$$#&~* has stolen our tent."

TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? VINCENT: One dollar. TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic. VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of delhi in winter for a vacation in rajasthan. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! . She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?" You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said .. "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit. Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kel

Archaeologists exploring an ancient site discovered a hidden cave. Written across the wall of the cave, on a jutting out piece of stone, were the following symbols: It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society pointed to the first drawing and said, "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them." Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they sought food from the

On the last day of school, just before the Christmas holidays were to begin, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers . The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted the box up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?" "No," said the little boy. "I give up," she said. "What is it?" The boy replied, "It's a puppy."