Coconut Cruncher

A Florida chicken farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster from up in Canada for his chicken coop. Once at the farm, the new rooster strutted over to the old rooster and said, "OK old hack, time for you to retire." The old rooster replied, "Come on, surely you can't handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" But the young rooster said, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over." The old rooster hesitated. "Tell you what, young stud. I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughed raucously."Sure!" he cackled. "But you know you don't stand a chance, old cock. So just to be fair, I'll give you a head start." They paced themselves and the old rooster took off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster took off r

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8 "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy - age 4 "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5 "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6 "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4 "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she tak

Serena was one of those UGLY women - so ugly, it hurt. She had never had a boyfriend. Having tried everything else, she finally went to a psychic for help. "Honey," said the psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this life. But in your reincarnation, you will be a much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet!". Serena left very happy and excited, and as she went over a bridge she thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins..." She decided to jump off the bridge right away. But incredibly Serena didn't die! She fell onto the back of a truck full of bananas; she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, not knowing where she was, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, she began touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas. Slowly a smile of delight spread on her face and she mumbled, "Gentlemen, please! One at a time!"

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient. I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind. "The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself,

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean. A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it. A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight. A simple

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1. What is height of Fashion? Ans : Dhoti with a zip . 2. What is height of Secrecy? Ans : Offering blank visiting cards. 3. What is height of Active laziness? Ans : Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk. 4. What is height of Craziness? Ans : Getting a blank paper Xeroxed. 5. What is height of Forgetfulness? Ans : Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last. 6. What is height of Stupidity? Ans : A person looking through a keyhole of a glass door. 7. What is height of Honesty? Ans : A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket. 8. What is height of Suicide? Ans : A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road. 9. What is height of De-hydration? Ans : A cow giving milk powder. 10. What is Height of Kanjoosi ? Ans : Banta's house has caught fire and he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade!!!